Since January 1st of this year, I have been committed to focussing on peace. I have written pages and pages of positive affirmations relative to peace. I have walked miles and miles around our neighbourhood and through our local park, focussing on the peaceful ambiance of nature. I try to keep peace a part of my day from morning to night.
Recently, I have felt that my life has become more peaceful. I am getting better at accepting the things I cannot change. I am becoming more patient. I tend to be less anxious and I worry less than I used to. As a bonus, my physical health has been improving, which makes me feel better over-all.
It seems even the people around me are less anxious and stressed than they were in the past. Maybe I was just projecting my stress onto them? Either way, life seems more peaceful.
Until a few nights ago… Suddenly I had a dream about my ex-inlaws. I dreamt that they came to celebrate Christmas with us. I have not had any contact with them for many years. I seldom think of them. Nonetheless, I dreamt they showed up for Christmas. I was so angry, hateful and cruel to them that even in my dream I was shocked at how mean and nasty and terrible I was. I woke up feeling horrid for how I treated them in my dream.
I have no idea what that was all about. I do not know if I was unconsciously releasing all of my pent up unpeaceful thoughts and emotions. I certainly do not know why I would have spewed it all at my ex-inlaws. They have never been my favourite people but I have certainly known people I had more reason to hate on.
Emotions are so strange. Memories, dreams, or even fictional stories about fictional people can overwhelm us with joy or grief, anger, or fear. That is wierd and unsettling in a way. How we feel often guides us to what we say or how we act. But what about when our feelings are not even remotely based on our actual circumstances? Then what are they for? Hmmm….