November 21st – Erma Bombeck

Modern technology and social media have brought us easy access to countless ‘Life Coaches’ and ‘Influencers’. Many of them offer an abundance of style and substance. Few, if any of them, offer the wit and wisdom of the original – Erma Bombeck. For those too young to know, or too old to remember, Erma Bombeck was a successful writer, television hostess, newspaper columnist, and advocate for equal rights. She died in 1996 at the age of 69 from Polycystic Kidney Disease. Fortunately, her words live on:

” Cleanliness is not next to Godliness. It isn’t even in the same neighbourhood. No one has ever gotten a religious experience out of removing burnt on cheese from the grill of the toaster oven.” – Erma Bombeck (My husband set a vinyl coated shopping bag filled with butter and milk on a hot burner of our new stove yesterday. It may not have been a religious experience, but I might have mentioned God’s name a couple of times when I was cleaning that up. AD)

“My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.” – Erma Bombeck (I had one sister who used to hide in the bathroom every time we did dishes. If we had cell phones back then, we probably would have missed her teen years completely. AD)

“Some emotions don’t make a lot of noise. It’s hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint – like a heartbeat. And pure love – why some days it’s so quiet, you don’t even know it’s there.” – Erma Bombeck (Beautiful AD)

“I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. Its just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope.” – Erma Bombeck (Except for that one time when your husband left you waiting by the carousal with a purse, a laptop, and an overnight case for two minutes. Then your two pieces of oversized luggage were the first to come flying out. AD)

“Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptions were buried with their spices. I know which one I’m taking with me when I go.” – Erma Bombeck (I am taking my Egyptian spices. AD)

“In two decades I’ve lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet. ” – Erma Bombeck (I can so relate. AD)

“I do not participate in any sport with ambulances parked at the bottom of the hill.” – Erma Bombeck (I avoid all of them out of an abundance of caution. AD)

“When your mother asks ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is merely a formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.” – Erma Bombeck (When my then eighty-five year old mother came to visit my kids and I in our new duplex, she told me that I had arranged the furniture in my bedroom wrong. When I didn’t rectifly the situation, she rearranged the furniture herself. AD)

“Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It’s like stealing a two year old” – Erma Bombeck (I don’t know why but I thought that was hilarious. AD)

That is it for today, folks. Take care and have a great day! 💞