Getting My Retirement Back On Track

The closer retirement gets, the more it looks like an unavoidable train wreck.

In July 2019, I decided that I would retire on my 65th birthday (July 2020). This was not a rash decision. I gave it a lot of thought and took a number of factors into account.

1. I wanted the opportunity to spend more time with my husband. With his 24/7 shift work and my 9 to 5 Monday to Friday, our together time was limited.

2. I wanted the opportunity to spend more time with my sons and daughter and my grandchildren.

3. Although I have always seemed more youthful than I actually am, and felt I could easily work for a few more years, I decided I wanted to retire when I was still felt young enough and strong enough that I would have the energy to pursue new interests.

4. There were situations within the construction industry and the construction company that I worked for that made my job stressful and frustrating. I did not want retirement to be about getting away from what I was doing but I was ready to leave it behind.

5. And, last but not least, I wanted the opportunity to start enjoying the retirement life that my older siblings were already living. 🧘🧚🏄👩‍👧‍👦💃

I discussed my decision with my husband, my children, my boss and my siblings. Everyone was on board and encouraged me to do what I felt was right. I threw myself into preparing for retirement🥳

That was then, this is my now:

1) In recent weeks my husband seems to be less enthusiastic about my impending retirement. He has to work for another four years to get his full pension and he seems to resent that I will not be slogging it out with him. I get it. I really do. But I know this will be better for both of us. We will have more time to spend together. I will be able to carry more of the household workload. We will both be able to live around his schedule. I want to do this, but I do not want to go into this feeling guilty and resented.

2) I will no doubt have the opportunity to spend more time with my sons and their families. That will be nice. In August, my daughter kicked me to the curb and banned me from seeing her children. To say that I am devastated from the loss is a total understatement.

3) I am definitely not feeling youthful. I have been sick since October and I am exhausted. I look old and I feel old. 👵 Retirement, as I see it now, is the opportunity to nap – a lot.

4) Even though I was definitely ready to leave my job, I wanted to go out feeling really good about the job I did and the contribution I had made to the company I worked for.  Things get worse every day.  I do not care how I get out. I just want to get out.   That is not how I wanted to begin my retirement.  I did not want it to be about getting away from where I am.  I wanted to be excited about where I am going. 

5) Finally, my siblings and the retirements they were enjoying.  I have a sister two years older than me.  We practically grew up as twins.  We have been best friends before bff’s were even a thing.  She had a kidney transplant last March.  She still, and will always, takes a handful of pills every day.  The side effects are brutal.  She was always the bright one, the quick one, the happy one. Now her life is so hard. My oldest sister has always been large and in charge. Not do much large physically, but definitely in charge. She has always been a hoot. She has been dealing with recurring cancer for years. She has been keeping it at bay and living a good life. She has been sick since before Christmas. She has been exhausted and losing weight, confused and weak. Last week she was diagnosed with aggressive, advanced Alzheimer’s. We are all heart-broken for her, for her family and for us.

I am less than six months from retirement. I should be more excited and relieved and happy everyday that it gets closer. I should be, I want to be, but to be honest I am struggling. I definitely do not want to stay in the workforce but these days I do not know if retirement is going to be any better. 🚂

9 thoughts on “Getting My Retirement Back On Track

  1. If you have a choice, choose what’s best for you. We never know when that clock stops ticking, and we never know if the partner will end up with a shorter or longer clock, so we have to choose. If we can.
    Even if it’s hard, if lifestyle changes are part of the deal, cut-backs and less travel/optional spending is involved – choose to live your life with your people.
    I hope things turn out well, I hope your daughter comes back into the fold, I hope you have time with your husband and family.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Wrapping you in love for the space between your daughter and you and your sister’s illness. If work is getting that stressful maybe you can review your end date? Annemarie, whatever you choose, you will make a balanced choice. I hope that writing it out has helped. Hugs Xx ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Thank you Jane. It did help so much. I woke up realizing the heart of the problem (for me). I know this sounds arrogant, but it just is, that for decades I have been the one taking care of others – husbands, parents, grandkids, siblings, bosses, co-workers, clients. My retirement plans all focussed on taking care of me and I have gotten overwhelmed with guilt over that. I realize now I have to focus on taking care of myself because I need the care and I deserve the care. Thank you for thinking of my daughter and my sisters💖

    Liked by 1 person

  4. My lovely, self-care is such a toughie and it’s a huge change so you are bound to be challenged by it. It’s not arrogant at all and yes, you are worth all the love you have flowing to you too. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  5. You have turned off comments so I will pass these along here.
    Web sites for us older women:Elderchicks-here on WordPress. They put a topic up a month and anyone can answer
    midliferambler.com-she is an empty nester having fun. She also has printables,etc.

    Liked by 1 person

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