NB.. I woke up at three A.M. this morning with my mind swirling and my heart pounding.  I was awake for a couple of hours, thinking  and working through my angst.   I feel better, so I thought I would share for anyone who has ever been there or who is there now.  💞

There is nothing worse than feeling trapped in a situation that causes overwhelming fear, grief, anger, resentment, and anxiety.   I know because many years ago that was my reality. 

Bizarrely, I thought that I was coping.  I thought that despite everything that was wrong with my life, and the way that I was reacting to it, I was relatively functional.  I had to be firing on all, or at least most of, my cylinders.  I was a wife,  a  mother,  a  full-time homemaker, a responsible reliable employee.   I was good!  Except that I wasn’t –  and the stress of doing it all in the confines of a volatile, dysfunctional marriage was too much for too long.

One day I reached my breaking point.  I hit my knees, looked up to the heavens, and said “I can’t do this anymore”.  

The heavens did not open up and make all of  my problems go away.  My life did not instantly change.    But, I did.   (And for that I do give total credit to the heavens above).

It was like a huge weight was lifted off of me.  I was determined, fearless, confident, pro-active,  and happy.  As my state of mind changed, my life changed.  It wasn’t anyone’s idea of easy, but somehow it was easy for me.    I left my husband, created a new and peaceful home for my family, built a career  and  worked countless hours to support us.    I didn’t have time for doubts or fears or grief to set in.   As time went on, my life got better and easier.  I met and married a good man. 💞

My life did not become the proverbial rose garden.  There have been challenges along the way.   Lots of challenges!

But, way back from that day that I hit rock bottom, I began to learn how important the right mindset was to living  a good life. 

Over the years, I have learned…

  • That once I hit ‘rock bottom’ and climbed back up, I never fell that far again.   The climb gets easier, taking  me higher every time – stronger, happier,  and calmer.
  • That coping mechanisms are endless.  By searching them out, I have  discovered self-help  books, social media accounts, podcasts, and You Tube channels that have been invaluable in creating the life I wanted and always knew I deserved.
  • The importance of making my physical, mental, and emotional health and well being my top priority.  
  •   That I cannot control everything and everybody in my life – and they cannot control me.  The more I focus on improving my mental, physical, and emotional well-being,  the less judgemental and stressed I am by outside influences.   
  • That the healthier I get – mentally, physically, and emotionally – the more I am drawn to like minded people and the more they are drawn to me.  😁
  • That all of the power in MY life is within ME.   As my favourite Rumi quote goes  (with a bit of tweaking) …”It’s my road, and mine alone, others may walk it with me, but no one can walk it for me.”

Have yourself a good day.  You deserve it!


Day 19 – Crossing Bridges

It is day nineteen of my June ‘Accentuate the Positive’ blog challenge.  Today I am dedicating my blog to bridges and to overcoming the challenges that have presented themselves in my life. 👍

One of the challenges in my life that I have overcome was my fear of crossing bridges.   (Fear is way too benign of a word to describe my bridge phobia).  For the first sixty some years of my life I struggled with anxiety and panic attacks.  For the most part, they did not stop me from ever doing what I had to do, but I certainly avoided doing things that I knew would trigger my anxiety.   One of the things that I avoided was crossing bridges. 

The very first memory that I could ever remember of my life was of crossing a bridge in sheer terror.    I was two or three years old and my mother and her friend would take my sister and I on Sunday walks, which would inevitably include crossing one of, if not THE sketchiest bridges on the planet.  A few years ago, I decided that this memory may well have been the trigger for my anxiety issues and that it would be helpful if I returned to the scene of the crime and crossed this bridge (as a rational adult).   My husband agreed to take me to confront my demons so for our anniversary we headed off to Souris, Manitoba to cross the swinging bridge.

When we got to Souris, I discovered two things.   The original swinging bridge had been replaced by a much sturdier and safer looking bridge and a section of the original bridge was kept as a monument of sorts to the brave fools who had once crossed it.   It was a narrow,  flimsy bit of chicken wire and boards – every bit as bad as I had remembered over the years. 

I had come to cross a bridge and I decided that since it wasn’t my fault that the original bridge had been replaced, I would cross the new one and call it a win.    So I did it!  I crossed the new bridge.   It was such a monumental moment that I have loved crossing bridges ever since!

So, in honor of bridges and the crossing of them, I would like to share a few pictures of bridges today.

Did it!
Souris swinging bridge (new)
Precious!  😊
Rory enjoying watching the traffic on the bridges from our room at the Saskatoon Sheridan.
Genie at Wascana Lake
Another Wascana Lake bridge
Little bridge in Patricia Park that I crossed many times last summer when I was walking with Kat.  It is not much of a bridge but it was significant as I was crossing over from employment to retirement. 🙂
Albert Street Bridge
Bridge to the USA side of Niagra Falls

Nineteen days down and only eleven more days to go! I hope my little selection of bridges provided a positive moment in your day.

Take care and I will see you tomorrow!💞