grief – Seclusion 101 with AnneMarie

Empowerment

March 15, 2023March 15, 2023 by annemariedemyen, posted in Health and Fitness, March 2023

NB.. I woke up at three A.M. this morning with my mind swirling and my heart pounding. I was awake for a couple of hours, thinking and working through my angst. I feel better, so I thought I would share for anyone who has ever been there or who is there now. 💞

There is nothing worse than feeling trapped in a situation that causes overwhelming fear, grief, anger, resentment, and anxiety. I know because many years ago that was my reality.

Bizarrely, I thought that I was coping. I thought that despite everything that was wrong with my life, and the way that I was reacting to it, I was relatively functional. I had to be firing on all, or at least most of, my cylinders. I was a wife, a mother, a full-time homemaker, a responsible reliable employee. I was good! Except that I wasn’t – and the stress of doing it all in the confines of a volatile, dysfunctional marriage was too much for too long.

One day I reached my breaking point. I hit my knees, looked up to the heavens, and said “I can’t do this anymore”.

The heavens did not open up and make all of my problems go away. My life did not instantly change. But, I did. (And for that I do give total credit to the heavens above).

It was like a huge weight was lifted off of me. I was determined, fearless, confident, pro-active, and happy. As my state of mind changed, my life changed. It wasn’t anyone’s idea of easy, but somehow it was easy for me. I left my husband, created a new and peaceful home for my family, built a career and worked countless hours to support us. I didn’t have time for doubts or fears or grief to set in. As time went on, my life got better and easier. I met and married a good man. 💞

My life did not become the proverbial rose garden. There have been challenges along the way. Lots of challenges!

But, way back from that day that I hit rock bottom, I began to learn how important the right mindset was to living a good life.

Over the years, I have learned…

That once I hit ‘rock bottom’ and climbed back up, I never fell that far again. The climb gets easier, taking me higher every time – stronger, happier, and calmer.
That coping mechanisms are endless. By searching them out, I have discovered self-help books, social media accounts, podcasts, and You Tube channels that have been invaluable in creating the life I wanted and always knew I deserved.
The importance of making my physical, mental, and emotional health and well being my top priority.
That I cannot control everything and everybody in my life – and they cannot control me. The more I focus on improving my mental, physical, and emotional well-being, the less judgemental and stressed I am by outside influences.
That the healthier I get – mentally, physically, and emotionally – the more I am drawn to like minded people and the more they are drawn to me. 😁

That all of the power in MY life is within ME. As my favourite Rumi quote goes (with a bit of tweaking) …”It’s my road, and mine alone, others may walk it with me, but no one can walk it for me.”

Have yourself a good day. You deserve it!

Letting Go

March 30, 2022April 4, 2022 by annemariedemyen, posted in March 2022

Following a few weeks of what seemed to be an on again, off again, up and down doggy cold, our little Kat took a decidedly bad turn for the worse. I took her to our vet clinic for x-rays and examination to get to the bottom of her health issues. Fortunately, the veterinarian I was able to get her in to see was the very competent and compassionate, Dr. Broberg. Unfortunately, the diagnosis was devastating. Our little Kat was suffering from catastrophic congenital heart failure and her lungs were filled with fluid.

Dr. Broberg put her on oxygen and tried diuretics to clear her lungs, to give us a few more weeks or possibly months, with our sweet little girl. Unfortunately, things did not go as hoped for and the next step was a twenty-four hour hospital. We were not willing to put her through the anxiety and suffering that this would cause our Kat, for what would inevitably be our short term gain. We chose to let her go now – sooner than later.

Last night, Dan and I were with Kat, as she was put to sleep. She went quickly and peacefully. We were and remain devastated. But we are also grateful that the end came as gently as possible for all of us, grateful that we had the means to provide the care our little girl deserved to the very end, and ever so grateful for the countless memories that we have to cherish.

Nine years of tail wagging, squirrel chasing, snack sneaking, snuggles and cuddles fun wrapped up in one little King Charles Cavalier named Kat:

***Together Again – Kat and Casey*** – ***RIP💞***

February 13th – My Path is Peace

February 13, 2022February 13, 2022 by annemariedemyen, posted in Updates - February 2022

When I retired, I started to walk – a lot. I started walking in an effort to improve my health, but I found other benefits. One of the best of these benefits was that I found it particularly calming. As I walked my favourite path in Patricia Park, I thought of it as my path to peace. After months and miles of walking, I was at a place where I felt that wherever I was, peace was my path.

https://seclusion101withannemarie.com/2020/08/08/my-path-is-peace/

Update 2022
I have found the path of peace quite easy and pleasant and have managed to generally stay my course.
I have drifted over to and even straddled the paths of love, happiness, hope and faith. That was nice.
I have occasionally zigged left, when I should have zagged right and have found myself on the paths of fear, resentment, anger, or the like. They were unpleasant, so I returned to my path of peace.
I have been drawn to a sparkly path, alit with party lights, and decorated with balloons and streamers. I soon realized that this festive path was a meandering pity party filled with blame games and that it would take me nowhere. I returned to the path of peace.
I have stumbled on the horrific paths of hate and righteousness. I did not last long on those paths. They were too exhausting!
I have learned that life is filled with paths, some hard, some easy, some better, some worse. You have to pick your paths carefully and you have stay alert – because as simple as it is to get sidetracked, getting back on track is seldom as easy as it seemed it would be.

**That one could lead to something sketchy 🥴**

**Confidentially walking the** ***straight and narrow*** 🙂

That’s it for today. Take care and have a great day!

Day 23 – Memories

June 23, 2021June 23, 2021 by annemariedemyen, posted in Accentuate the Positive - June 2021

It is Day 23 of my June ‘Accentuate the Positive’ challenge and I have decided to pay tribute to memories. This one is a bit of a trip down the rabbit hole for me, so hopefully it will be a positive experience for anyone who chooses to join me today. 🙃

I have never been one to dwell on the past. At first, it was not a conscious decision. I was focussed on dealing with the present and looking forward to the future. 🌞 After a brutally painful period in my life, I did make a very conscious decision to shut the door on my memory banks and slap a big old lock on them. If a moment from the past happened to sneak through, it was nothing more than a snapshot in someone else’s photo album. I would not relate to it personally.

I was perfectly happy to live in this delusional little headspace, where my past did not exist. I had no desire to relive my past through painful memories, and bizarrely, the best memories from my past were the ones that were most painful for me to face.

Ultimately, this decision to block my past became problematic. I had a tendency to react to triggers that seemingly came out of nowhere – like the time a business consultant snapped his fingers in my face. He was lucky that he got out of my office while he still had fingers! There were other times, many times, when I just drew a blank when someone mentioned the past, even the recent past – like the day Dan and I ran into his boss. They started talking about the time they had been at one of our local hospitals. I could not remember when or why Dan would have been at the hospital. It was only when Dan’s boss turned to me and asked how I was doing now, that I realized that Dan had been at the hospital to be with me. I had been in the hospital with pneumonia/empyema for a solid month a couple of years earlier and I had totally forgotten!

In the security of my relationship with Dan, and the relative well-being of my life in general, I decided it was time to crack the locks on my memory banks and have a peek around. At first, there was a whole lot of ugly memories that burst out. I wasn’t surprised, and I wasn’t that bothered by this. I was expecting them. I did not find a lot of warm and fuzzy memories. I was not expecting to and quite frankly, I was terrified of finding any.

Lately, I have been sorting through our basement and closets. I found a couple of boxes of older photos. I started to go through them and discovered that I have finally reached a point in my life where I am ready to look for the positive anywhere and everywhere – even in my past.

So, without further ado, or rambling on as the case may be, I invite you to browse through a few positively good memories with me. 💞