February 2nd Update – 10 Things Anyone Under 40 Should Never Do

by annemariedemyen, posted in Updates - February 2022

For the second day of February, I am looking back at a blog that I posted while I was still gainfully employed and before I allowed my hair to turn a natural shade of grey. Then as now, I was aware of ageism in our society.

I stand behind everything that I noted in my original post but I do have a couple of things to add.

Number 1 – While I still take exception to much of how aging is portrayed via the youthful  ‘internet experts‘,  this agism thing has become personal for me in the past two years.   I  am regularly treated with less  respect and consideration than I had come to expect from family,  strangers, and acquaintances.   My age has become a determining factor in my worthiness. FYI – I refuse to accept that or buy into it at any age.

Number 2 –  I have one more rule to add.   Regardless of your age, do not compare yourself to anyone who is years or decades your senior.  We may not have your youthful beauty, or stamina, quick wit or nimble fingers – but we do have  qualities that you will not recognize or understand until you become one of us. 

https://seclusion101withannemarie.com/2019/09/26/10-things-anyone-under-40-should-never-do/

Aging gracefully and gratefully for all of my life’s experiences
My father-in-law… living out his final years cherishing the memories of a life well lived, the family and friends he loved, and the community he supported.
My mother living her final years in a nursing home – Mothering, grand-mothering, and great-grandmothering. Regardless of parenting fads and fashions through the generations, it always came down to common sense and caring.
My Dad – 83 years old, living with cancer and dying with dignity. Still kind, still strong, still aware and interested in everything happening in his family and his community.

That’s it for today. For those of all ages – take care and have a great day!

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46 thoughts on “February 2nd Update – 10 Things Anyone Under 40 Should Never Do”

  1. This one really hits home Anne Marie. I recently gave up dyeing my hair after 35 years of L’Oréal (I love my silver/grey/white hair BTW. What an incredible feeling of freedom and a weight lifted off my shoulders, which I never knew I had). I too have felt the negative response from others that makes me doubt my self worth during the last decade. You look fantastic and I admire your attitude for standing up for yourself (and others). Wonderful post…

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  2. Thank you, Neese! Having always had very dark hair, I found it challenging to toss out the dye. I thought the contrast would be brutal. When I got shingles (on my face and scalp), I tossed the dye. It wasn’t nearly as bad as I had anticipated and like you, I love my silver/grey/white. We rock!

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  3. A beautiful post Anne Marie. Your silver hair is gorgeous. I call my graying hair my coyote hair. I still have dark brown in places, a little silver, some white, and some that is still blonde–all natural at this point–no dyes used in years. But yes, I look like a Texas coyote with all this muckelty dun, but it is rather unique to me. 🙂

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  4. I was a Parish Visitor and routinely saw folks who could no longer attend church services. So many folks over the years got shingles and a couple had it on their face/eyes and suffered for years with those painful nerve endings. I was very eager to get the Shingles’s vaccine. And I agree at least we think we both rock…

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  7. I am 42 and I do the opposite comparison where I feel I don’t measure up in terms of career experience and stuff so the silver haired 50’s and 60’s leaders at my company make me feel insecure. Which is healthier and probably how it should be.

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  10. Yea, that’s the key, diagnosing it early. Although I think it usually occurs past 70, that’s not always the case. My daughter got shingles in her 40’s…

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  12. I ran to my doctor asap because I was in so much pain I thought I had forth stage sinus cancer. (As my Dad had). I couldn’t believe it when he said I had shingles. (He must have thought I was some kind of special stupid 🙄) But he did give me the medication to deal with it. 😊 I heard from lots of people much younger than I who had horrid experiences with shingles. People just don’t talk about it?

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  13. Everyone I’ve known that’s suffered through shingles says it’s incredibly painful. One of my dear little ladies (she was over 100) had the worst case I’d ever seen. She lost sight in one eye and years later continued to suffer excruciating pain through that eye. Nothing minor about that…

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  16. I’ve never heard of Agism, but it makes complete sense. I suppose I’ve experienced this on Instagram via very rude comments from presumably younger people. Some people call me Sir these days too, is it just because I’m 61? Those young punks may be lucky to see the age of 61 but they have zero clue nor a lick of common sense which left my country long ago.

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  18. Common sense seems to lacking in a lot of people now, regardless of age. I find a lot of younger women are particularly lacking in respect and appreciation for anyone with more years and experience than they possess.

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  19. I haven’t felt marginalized because of age, then I thought about where I live. John and I are the oldest in our neighborhood, but the others are not far behind. At church there are more retirees than working people. We simply are not with people who would make fun of us. It’s nice.

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  20. That is nice! It is not that people make fun of me. It is just disrespect – that haughty, impatient look when I make a suggestion. The assumption that anyone of my age is racist or bigoted or anti-environmental. That someone my age can’t possible grasp MODERN childcare. (Like the younger generation invented parenting 😂). That people who die from Covid don’t matter because most of them are elderly. Nonsense like that.

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  24. Every previous generation treated their elders with respect. That is definitely what I taught my family – by words and actions. My daughter has never had respect for her elders – ever! Her kids all do. Son Mark has respect, but his fiance is totally disrespectful. Son Dan and his wife are pretty good now – but his first wife was holy hell.

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  26. It is hardly just me – it is very much an attitude that is out there unlike any previous generation. And the strange thing is that the next generation (like my grandchildren) are very much about values such as respect, appreciation, consideration for all ages.

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  32. I love the color of your hair, Anne. I figure we have earned every grey hair. For many years I frosted my hair. When I retired I stopped doing anything to my hair and no longer wear any makeup because of allergies. I am pretty sure I would have done the same thing if I had no allergies. I’ve not seen much ageism, but it makes me sad that there seems to be a lot of it. I am sorry that you have experienced it.

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  33. Thank you, Frony! I seldom wear make-up and very little when I do. I don’t find it works that well on mature skin. Mind you, I didn’t wear that much makeup when I was younger. 🙄 Any disrespect for others is worse in Western Canada. 🤷. I am glad that it is better where you live. 🤗

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  34. Wonderful post, very true. Age is just another tool to get at someone nowadays… I am middle aged now and enjoying being called an uncle, yes sometimes it is in a derogatory tone but who cares as long I am maturing!!

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  35. Thank you! So true about age being another tool to get to others. I am still able to stand up for myself but it may not always be that way and for many, who have served a lifetime, it is that way now. It bothers me to see anyone treated as ‘less than’, regardless of the tools the bullies use. ‘Uncle’ sounds like a lovely term to address an elder.

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  40. I would much rather have snow. No, I plan to stay in where it is warm and safe. I put out lots of food for the birds before the weather arrived and also stocked up on food for me and my little dog.

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