July 17th – Loving, Living, Changing

Growing up, I came to believe that caring for others meant worrying about them. Loving others meant sharing their suffering and feeling their pain when they were struggling or going through a difficult situation. You did anything practical you could to help them, if there was anything you could do. But mostly, you shared their sorrows. I am not sure how this was supposed to help, but you did it. To make sure it worked, you told them how much you were suffering with and for them. Than they could be suffering and guilt ridden for making you suffer from their pain. It was all very complicated and strange but I believed it, without question, for decades.

Eventually, I decided that worrying about loved ones and sharing their pain was not particularly helpful – especially if they had to feel grateful and guilty to boot. I still loved people. I still wanted to be there for them through difficult times but I had no idea how. Sometimes there are no words to say, or ways to say them, nor is there anything practical for one to do.

I could not stay in my current bubble of peace and relative well-being and  pretend I was not aware of what loved ones were going through. I did not know what to do – but I knew that I could no longer add more grief to such situations.

Last night, I received news of two such difficult situations affecting family members. My first reaction was worry and pain and grief for all concerned. I knew I had to find something better. When I went to bed, I found a meditation on You Tube and blocked out everything but the voice and the soft background music.

It was rather a long and difficult night but, when I woke up this morning, this hymn from my youth was playing in my mind. It was magical. 💞 I always loved this hymn, and it was always meaningful, but today it means even more on a personal level.

I wasn’t sure about including the last verse, because it did not seem relevant to this situation but I decided to go with it. Dying isn’t always about dying – sometimes it is about changing, about letting go of old beliefs to accept new beliefs….

I have no idea if my sister and her husband or my daughter and her family can feel the love and peace and healing that I am sending them today. I can only trust and believe that they are feeling it on some level. But I do know, I absolutely know, that it is better than sending more pain and worry and guilt and grief their way. 💞

Sending love and peace and healing to any and all who are struggling today. 💞

Wishing all a good rest of today and a nice weekend. See you tomorrow. 💞

8 thoughts on “July 17th – Loving, Living, Changing

  1. I once read this in a novel and it has stayed with me: “Do not attach to suffering” I believe it is a Buddhist teaching (I think). At any rate it struck me as kind of cold and uncaring, but is it? How does immersing ourselves in pain of any help to the people we love? So, it’s been years since I read that and over the years it has begun to make more sense to me. After all, Jesus said, “Love your neighbor AS yourself” so if we are hard on ourselves, we will be hard on others. Forgive me I know I am rambling. At any rate, while I empathize with loved ones going through difficult situation, it does not help them if I am not strong; if I am not taking care of myself how can I help them?

    I love the Prayer of St. Franics. It has helped through many a dark and difficult time in my own life. I do believe that sending loving thoughts and loving energy helps others (and the world at large). I do the practical things if I live nearby – like making tea, bringing meals or baked goods, but more than anything simply sitting with the person and NOT trying to fix anything. Just being there, actively listening if they want to talk or being silent if that’s what’s needed. I think a lot of times people just need someone to hold their hand – either literally or figuratively.

    Whatever is going on with your loved ones, I hope they receive whatever it is they need. And I hope you do as well. Sending my loving thoughts to You, AnnMarie. Take care.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Thank you for the beautiful reply. It is funny how you come across something that sticks with you for years but you don’t fully grasp it, until it finally resonates with you. I agree with just being there for people. A lot of people have to try to ‘fix’ a situation that you simply have to work through yourself.
    And thank you. I pray that all will work out fine.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I completely agree, I think the world can use a bit more positive energy these days. Just the act of giving off positive energy can make you feel better. I’d much prefer that approach than feeling pain, worry or guilt. Thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Thank you! I am getting there. I think life would work better if people were able to retire for a couple of years before they start working. It would allow time to figure these things out before one lives their life. 😊

    Like

  5. Just to set your priorities and consciously choose how you want to live their life would be good. I think a lot of people become super negative because they are so busy, they do not even realize that is where they are. headed.

    Liked by 1 person

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