Growing up, I came to believe that caring for others meant worrying about them. Loving others meant sharing their suffering and feeling their pain when they were struggling or going through a difficult situation. You did anything practical you could to help them, if there was anything you could do. But mostly, you shared their sorrows. I am not sure how this was supposed to help, but you did it. To make sure it worked, you told them how much you were suffering with and for them. Than they could be suffering and guilt ridden for making you suffer from their pain. It was all very complicated and strange but I believed it, without question, for decades.
Eventually, I decided that worrying about loved ones and sharing their pain was not particularly helpful – especially if they had to feel grateful and guilty to boot. I still loved people. I still wanted to be there for them through difficult times but I had no idea how. Sometimes there are no words to say, or ways to say them, nor is there anything practical for one to do.
I could not stay in my current bubble of peace and relative well-being and pretend I was not aware of what loved ones were going through. I did not know what to do – but I knew that I could no longer add more grief to such situations.
Last night, I received news of two such difficult situations affecting family members. My first reaction was worry and pain and grief for all concerned. I knew I had to find something better. When I went to bed, I found a meditation on You Tube and blocked out everything but the voice and the soft background music.
It was rather a long and difficult night but, when I woke up this morning, this hymn from my youth was playing in my mind. It was magical. 💞 I always loved this hymn, and it was always meaningful, but today it means even more on a personal level.
I wasn’t sure about including the last verse, because it did not seem relevant to this situation but I decided to go with it. Dying isn’t always about dying – sometimes it is about changing, about letting go of old beliefs to accept new beliefs….
I have no idea if my sister and her husband or my daughter and her family can feel the love and peace and healing that I am sending them today. I can only trust and believe that they are feeling it on some level. But I do know, I absolutely know, that it is better than sending more pain and worry and guilt and grief their way. 💞
Wishing all a good rest of today and a nice weekend. See you tomorrow. 💞