Annoyed!

I take pride in being capable of handling difficult situations in a calm and reasonable manner. Grace under pressureπŸ™ That is me – in a medical emergency, a project crisis, or a natural disaster. I suck it up and do what must be done. πŸ‘

What I can take no pride in, is my absolute fail in the face of life’s ‘little’ snafus.

Struggling to tear off a section of plastic wrap, parchment paper, toilet paper – I come unhinged. Sticky tape and velcro are my nemesis. I hate paper cuts!!! I once got a staple stuck in the end of my finger and practically beat my boss with a phonebook because he was laughing too hard to pull it out. Rediculous of course, I know, but that is how I roll.

So here is the thing… In 2012 I was in hospital for a month with pneumonia and empyema. I was sent home none the worse for wear (I returned to work the day after I was released). Except for one thing. Since my time in hospital, my sinuses have been pooched. My nose has been plugged for nine years. 😒

This year, I have had one thing after another go wrong with my lungs – which aggravates my sinuses. Yay! I have used a neti pot, a steamer, and my specialist put me on a long-term steroid nasal spray. That helped for a couple of weeks before making matters worse.

For the past few weeks, my sinuses seem to deflate every time I close my mouth – which causes an immediate airlock in my head. I cannot eat, I cannot sleep, I exercise every day – it is more of a workout to breathe than it is to actually work out, and I cannot concentrate on anything except for the fact that I cannot breathe. I struggle to meditate. Virtually every meditation starts with “relax and breathe naturally”. Pffffttt! Like that is going to happen!

I decided to stop using the nasal spray but my husband thought I should run it by my doctor first. I called – he is on holidays for the next two weeks. I called my specialist’s office. His reception promised to run it past him and get back to me. (Still waiting…..) So… I tossed the spray. Things are quite a bit better, but – my sinuses are still stuffy to an annoying degree.

Thank you for reading through my rant and whine. All sympathy gratefully accepted. 😊

😟

Have a great day! πŸ’ž

Surviving the Hard Times

These are hard times, dark days for many. There is our ongoing pandemic, political problems, economic and environmental issues, countless global issues – all above and beyond the inevitable struggles of our own personal, individual lives.

I am fortunate and grateful that I am in a good place right now – better than most and better than many places I have been. I may not share the pain of those who are struggling right now but I can and do empathize.

When one is going through a really difficult time one can easily feel abandoned, attacked, hopeless and helpless. Life can be draining and devastating – mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It is easy to feel like giving up.

Many years ago I experienced a life altering moment. My life in general was bad – really bad. I left the hospital where my father lay dying, to drive home to take care of my family. It was typically a two hour drive on a good day. This day was not a good day. My father was dying, my marriage was in shreds, my husband had become a raging miserable bastard, my kids needed me, my parents needed me, I needed to be at work – and I was driving home in a blizzard. I could barely see beyond the front of my car (which was a worn out little sedan with no heater). I was terrified, I was heartbroken, I was sobbing and my tears made it even more difficult to see the road ahead. The stretch of road I was on is a series of hills and valleys. This day, as the snow fell and the wind blew , the valleys filled with snow drifts which I had to step on the gas to power through. Every drift that I pushed through brought me to a stretch of sheer ice at the top of a hill. My hands were frozen and my arms were limp. When I reached the point of believing this trip was going to end very badly, I noticed a sign a few car lengths away from me. I thought, okay. I may not make it home but I can get that far. I did. Then I saw a utility post – and I made it that far. This went on and on and on, until I made it home. I was frozen, I was exhausted, I was stronger, and I had learned an important lesson on how to navigate through life’s hard times. (Which I, unfortunately, had to use a few times since!)

For anyone struggling right now, take care of yourself, be kind to yourself, and do whatever you can to to help yourself feel empowered – even it just for a day, an hour or a moment. Know that you can, and that you will, make it through this – as long as you keep moving forward.

Also, If you must walk through hell, walk through like you own place!

I hope you enjoy my own unofficial theme song from Rodney Atkins.

More Lessons (finally) Learned πŸ€¦

It is so strange that we can hear the same truth repeated over and over in our lives and never really understand the meaning or importance of the message.

I was raised in a relatively loving home. The Catholic Church and her teaching were a foundation of our lives. I have read countless books on self improvement. Through all of my life, the concept of forgiveness and unconditional love has been brought forth time and time again. I thought I ‘got it’.

I have tried to be a good, caring person. I have tried to not be angry or hateful towards others. I have tried to not be vengeful or judgemental. I honestly thought I had a fairly good grasp on living a ‘good’ life.

Early this spring, I developed health issues that seriously impaired my life. I was driven to retire from my job (a few months earlier than planned) and to start living a healthier life. As part of my healing, I began walking – a lot! – on a regular basis. My walks gave me time to think and many of my thoughts focussed on peace. (Which coincidentally was the subject I had chosen to focus on in 2020).

Walking in itself did wonders for easing my stress level. Spending time in nature on a regular basis was relaxing and beneficial. I walked for my peace. I walked for my family’s peace. I walked for peace for friends and neighbours and strangers. While my health was my initial reason for walking, peace was the driving force that kept me going.

These past few days, while I still walked every day and enjoyed my time in nature, I have started to struggle to stay focussed on peace. There have been a number of things happening that I have been dealing with – ongoing issues with my daughter, my son’s upcoming wedding (which will involve spending a couple of days socializing with my ex-husband and his family), politics – specifically a provincial election which will once again result in a landslide win for a party led by people who have caused serious grief and pain to many – including my family, and with colder weather moving in, a return to having my husband watching his television programs in the livingroom. (I love my husband and I certainly want him to be comfortable on his days off, but personally I am uncomfortable with television programs the likes of Jerry Springer in our house).

All of these situations have cost me a lot of peace. I ‘block’ one disturbing thing out of my consciousness and three more things gnaw at me. It has become increasingly frustrating.

FINALLY I get it!

Peace is one of those things that you cannot just have and hoard. You cannot have peace and choose to share it with some, while withholding it from others. You do not get to decide who is worthy of peace.

For the last couple of days, I have been walking for peace – for myself, for my family, for friends and neighbours and strangers – but including and specifically for those who I had been previously trying to block from my peaceful consciousness.

I feel so much better. The more I walk for peace for myself and others, including walking for those who challenge my peace, the more peaceful I become. Seriously – how simple is that? 🀷