Seclusion

by annemariedemyen, posted in dealingwithstress

When I created my blog, I was focussed on my impending retirement. WordPress had other plans for my blog. “Instead of Retirement 101…”, My blog website became “Seclusion101….”. As strange as that seemed to me, it was actually a perfect fit for me. According to Wikipedia “Seclusion is the act of isolating from society”.

I admire people who can walk into any situation and make it better. Some people enter a room and radiate happiness. Others can be caught in the midst of drama, conflict or fear and radiate peace and calm. I am not one of those people.

I am a sponge for the emotions of those around me. By the standard of current terminology, I am an empath. I get close to anyone who is experiencing extreme emotion and I absorb it by default. I do not even have to be physically close to people I have close ties to – like my husband, sons and daughter. I feel off if there is something seriously wrong with them or the situation they are in.

There are occasions, when this ’empath’ way of being is helpful. I can generally feel when people need comfort or support. I can also generally feel when people are in a state where it is best to just back away and give them space. For the most part, being in the midst of extreme emotion just beats me up – regardless of the type of emotion.

I hate parades. I always have. When the planes fly over or the band strikes up and the crowd unites in excitement and anticipation, I am overwhelmed by the urge to burst into tears. Funerals crush me – even when the deceased was not someone I was personnely close to. The collective grief of family and friends suffocates me. Angry outbursts are the worst. Even if people screaming at each other are across the street, I feel terrified. I know these situation are over reactions, but that is how I am.

I would love to live on an acreage surrounded by nature. In the city, I make do. Regardless of where I have lived, I have always had my special place where I could ‘isolate from society’. Back in the days when I was alone with my teenagers, my ‘place’ was a corner of the kitchen cupboards. I could open a window, sit on the cupboard with my feet in the sink and enjoy a cup of tea and a cigarette. Nobody came near me when I was in my corner – until Dan came into my life. He was allowed in my corner. (He wasn’t allowed to put his feet in my sink.)

Now it is relatively easy to seclude myself. I have indoor and outdoor places that are perfect for isolating. Life has never been better – in retirement and seclusion.

Have a pleasant and peaceful day🌞

Another Day In The Life Of..

by annemariedemyen, posted in retirement

Dan is back on shift today. Kat and I bounced to life at 5:30 a. m. Granted, one of us had more life than the other at that ungodly hour. I fed Kat, had my morning infusion of coffee and spent some time reading the news and checking out Facebook. Neither brightened my day.

I had a hearty brunch at 9:00. That perked me up. I went outside and started painting planters. I am down two with thirty six to go!

I stopped for a bit of a break and my brat of a granddaughter snuck in and scared the life out of me.

Genie sporting her new glasses.

The grocery stores are finally settling down here. I am so glad that Genie is finally getting a few days off. She needs it and she so deserves it!

Genie brought me a couple of little elephants to join the herd.

Have a nice day🌞

Starting to Bloom

by annemariedemyen, posted in nature

It seems like the flowers are taking their time this year.  I have lots of plants with buds but not a lot of blossoms happening yet.

Grandpa’s Bleeding Heart is doing okay for a first year.
My Mother’s Day geraniums are still fairly prolific
Kat and I found some flowering shrubs in the park on our extra long walk yesterday.
We have tomato plants starting to bloom
This plant has been trying to bloom for a few days now – almost there!
I should probably we pulling the blossoms off of my chives but they are so pretty.🌞
My petunias are being beaten senseless by the wind this year but I love the way Dan painted my little Dollar Store fairy. 💖
Dandelions are not in short supply – I have probably pulled out a thousand of them so far this year – but being a kid at heart, I still find them to be sunny and cheerful.

I hope everyone has a few flowers to brighten their day – today and every day.

Productive Weekend

by annemariedemyen, posted in family

Dan was home this weekend so we got more than a few things accomplished.

Dan cleaned the pond. Looking forward to repainting the planters and trim boards in our yard. They are looking a little too rustic for my taste.
I did all the laundry, plus all of our bedding including our pillows. I made up the bed nice and fresh. I gave Kat a bath. I scrubbed down the entire bathroom because it smelled like wet dog. Kat got into our room, jumped on our bed, and went into some psychotic whirlwind of a thing. ALL of our fresh bedding – including the fitted sheet, ended up on the floor smelling like wet dog. Do over!
I made cookies.
Dan mowed the lawn again – it needs a serious watering!
I enjoyed some texting with son Dan
And scored a sweet, new photo of Cason
And I did some texting with son Mark.

Hope you all enjoyed a good weekend!

Father’s Day 2020

by annemariedemyen, posted in family
Dad and my son Danny

My father was a good man.  He was kind and peaceful.   His life was never easy but he dealt with it – whatever it was. 

Dad was born premature, weighing one and a half pounds.  His father bundled him up, put him in the sleigh and hauled him off to town to be baptized.  On the way to town, the sleigh hit a rut and overturned.  Dad was thrown into a snow bank.   He survived (obviously).  If I know my Dad, he was laughing when they found him.

When my Dad was old enough, he was sent to a convent where his classes were taught in French.  When he was in grade two, his mother suffered a serious stroke.  My Dad went to work for a storekeeper, spending his days sitting in the basement of a store removing eyes from potatoes.  His father needed help feeding his family and paying medical and care bills for his mother.  As always, Dad did what he could do to help. 

As a teenager, Dad went to the city to work with his brother, Herman.   A few months later he returned home with Herman’s body.  Herman had died a victim of tuberculosis.  Dad was by his side, holding his hand when he passed away – then he brought him home to be buried in a grave marked by a concrete gravestone that he designed and made for him.

Dad’s grave in front of the cross he made for Uncle Herman

After Herman’s death, Dad stayed home to help the family.  He became a licenced bartender and a true craftsman at applying stucco.  Although his formal education had been so short, Dad never allowed that to limit his options.    After my parents married, Dad went to work at an Airforce training base during World War Two. (At five foot nothing and color blind to boot, the army wasn’t looking to send him into battle).  After the war, my parents moved up north, where Dad supported our growing family with his stuccoing skills.  When they moved to southern Manitoba, he entered the auto body trade.  When I was three, we moved back to Saskatchewan. My parents purchased an autobody shop which they ran until they retired.

Dad, my niece Teenie (Jeanne Christine) and I

After retirement, my parents enjoyed a few easier years.  They would visit my siblings and I on a regular basis.  At my home, Dad could always find yard work to keep him happy and occupied.  When we moved to a home with a large, neglected yard, Dad was in his glory for years!  

In 1989, when Dad was eighty years old, just months after celebrating his fiftieth anniversary with Mom, my Dad was diagnosed with cancer of the sinuses.    He passed away four years later, on December 17th, 1993. Losing a loved one is always difficult, watching my Dad waste away for four years from this insideous disease was heart wrenching  beyond belief. It was also incredibly inspiring and such an honor to witness the strength, grace and dignity that he displayed throughout his final years.

Final visit with Dad. He was joking about running out of time before Mom had the camera focussed.

Rest in peace, Dad. Happy Father’s Day!

Fyi Father’s Day is on June 21st. At least one of my sons keeps track. Same son who informed me I was 59 when I was pretty sure I was 48🙄

Just Like That!

by annemariedemyen, posted in life

Yesterday was a beautiful day in the neighbourhood. Today – not so much. It is cold, windy and looking to rain later. We could use the rain. The cold and wind we could definitely do without.

Southern Saskatchewan has a tendency to be windy, but I do not remember winds like this. It goes on for days (and nights!) at a time. I left our bedroom window open last night and felt like I was going to get blown out of bed this morning. I went out and set our hanging planters on the ground again.  The plants in them just take too much of a beating when the wind is gusting in the 70k range.

It might be a good day to give Kat a bath. She is filthy and she does not look like she is too motivated to go for a walk any time soon.

Have a great day! I hope wherever you are, your weather is being kind to you today.

A Beautiful Day in the Neighbourhood

by annemariedemyen, posted in nature

It is an absolutely perfect day out today – warm, dry and no wind. I am trying to get lots of yard work done because it is supposed to be rainy and windy all weekend.

Try would be the operative word. It is so nice out that I have been distracted by neighbours who are also outside trying to get their yard work done. I had a nice long chat with Faye next door and then Kim and her son Kingston, who live next door to Faye.

Time to head out and try again. I want to finish cleaning out the cedars before I take Kat to visit the ducks at the storm channel across the street.

I love retirement!

White Privilege

by annemariedemyen, posted in Social Issues

When I was growing up, a privilege was something that was earned.  It was also something that could be revoked if it was misused.  

I am not quite sure what ‘white privilege’ is supposed to mean now days but I do not agree with it.   I do not believe that it should be a ‘privilege’ to have access to education,  healthcare, employment, justice, respect or kindness simply because of the color of one’s skin – or their age, sex, sexual orientation, weight, physical or mental abilities or any other  superficial reason by which they are judged. These things should be human rights.

I have known many people who have felt ‘entitled’ to special treatment for any number of reasons (being white, being male, being wealthy….).  As more people realize how wrong prejudice and discrimination are, the more  dangerous and delusional these people are  becoming.  They are angry and afraid that they are losing their position of entitlement. They feel threatened and people who feel threatened become  defensive to the point of being aggressive.

Different movements have been created and have grown to protect and support those who do not have the same rights that all humans should have. Personally, I believe their success will always be limited. I believe this because those who are the focus of these movements are not the problem.

As a white (privileged?) person, I believe for real changes to happen in our society, we must focus on ourselves. We are the problem or we are at the heart of the problem. We must look at ourselves. We must look at our children, our siblings, our parents, our cousins, our friends and our neighbours. We must question and change our own dangerous entitled beliefs and challenge the dangerous entitled attitudes of those around us. We must hold ourselves and those around us accountable for mistreating or misrepresenting those who want nothing more than the human rights that we already have.

There is nothing to be lost and everything to be gained by accepting and encouraging those who are being deprived of the rights and benefits that many of us take for granted. It is not them against us, nor should it be us against them. As they thrive, we all thrive. We are one humanity.

Siblings

by annemariedemyen, posted in family
Butterfly Sister

I am the youngest in a family of six siblings. We are all different in so many ways and eerily similar in others.

My eldest sister Denise phoned me yesterday to see how retirement was coming along. We spoke for a couple of hours. It was great to hear her voice, especially since she was sounding really good. Denise has been battling serious health issues for the past few years, so not all of her days are good ones.

As sisters, Denise and I have rather a unique relationship. She was married by the time I was two and a mother by the time I was three. I do not remember a time when we lived under the same roof as ‘family’. Once she married, she also moved a lot – generally far away. I have not spent a lot of time with her over the years.

Denise and I are different in a number of ways. I love elephants, Denise loves butterflies. Denise is exceptionally organized, me not so much. We grew up in different decades, with different music, different styles, and different social standards.

Although we grew up in such different times and so far apart, the funny thing is that we have so much in common. We both had disastrous first marriages. We could both easily live the life of a hermit. We both love nature. The weirdest thing is that when we do see or speak to each other, we will both be listening to the same music, reading the same book, or sharing a common interest that we would never have imagined.

I love all four of my sisters and my brother but I have a special place in my heart for Denise. We share a common bond, which is so very strange because as ‘sisters’ we have never shared much bonding time.

Another Win🤗

by annemariedemyen, posted in retirement
Kat

Back in early November, I broke out in a case of shingles. I went to the doctor within a couple of days and he prescribed some very effective medication. My shingles were only bad for one week. For that week, they were pretty bad. I spent a lot of time in bed. When Dan was at work, I would get myself up to feed Kat and then lay down on the couch. Kat would eat, wander around for a while and then sit in front of me with a disgruntled look on her face. At seven thirty, she would run to the back porch to bark. I would haul myself up (in case she really needed to go out) and drag myself to the door to let her out.

When I got to the door, Kat would sit on her haunches and look at me as if to say “It is time for you to go – get out already!” I do not know what she would typically do when I went to work, but she obviously wanted me to go so she could do it.

This week, I officially retired. I have been home since the end of March so I have been wearing Kat down. She realizes that life has changed and she is making the best of it. She spends most of her day following me around waiting for treats, napping, or running around the yard barking at every dog, cat, or leaf that goes by. Later in the afternoon she will sit down by her leash and bark to let me know it is time for her walk.

Kat has stopped trying to get rid of me every morning. That is one more win for me. Now, I just hope to one day convince her that we no longer have to get up by six a.m.