Freedom

by annemariedemyen, posted in dealingwithstress, life

This year, I have chosen to focus on PEACE. Each morning I write out a number of affirmations relative to peace. Every night, I try to fall asleep with peaceful thoughts and feelings. Throughout the day I try to make peace my priority.

Typically, the harder I try to focus on improving one aspect of my life, the more obstacles life throws in my path. This year has proven no different. There is virtually no area of my life that has been easy and peaceful. Personally, there have been health issues, financial issues, family issues, work issues and of course technical issues. In a broader sense, our city, province, country, and world seem to be going to hell in a handbasket.

It would be easy to give up, but I have endeavoured to keep focussing on peace. On the fiftieth day of 2020, I have finally made a significant breakthrough. By making peace my priority, I have released the overwhelming urge to control everything in and around my life. This alone has brought me the peace I desire.

As humans, we all have the power to choose. The first thing we need to choose is where our priorities lie. Life is dicey and insecure, more so now than ever, in my mind. We are reminded daily that there is little to no security for ourselves and our loved ones. It is easy to become so insecure that we move into survival mode. We try to control everyone and everything around us. We justify becoming aggressive and trying to deprive others of their right to choose. This never ends well for anyone.

The only path to personal peace and growth is to focus on our own priorities, while respecting and allowing others to focus on their’s. There are any number of ways to accomplish this.  Here are a few of my suggestions:

1) If there are issues at work, focus on your task at hand. Ignore the office politics, the gloom and doom of company rumors, employers and co-workers who are being unreasonable or ignorant. You are there to do your job, you are being paid to do your job. Just do it. Focus on doing it well. Regardless of anything else that happens, you will gain confidence from a job well done and it will help you to develop an exit strategy, if leaving your position becomes inevitable.

2) Having health issues can easily become overwhelming. However, they can be made tolerable for yourself and those around you. The first step is to accept and acknowledge your health issues. The second step is to deal with your health issues with professional help you can trust, informing yourself about your condition, and doing everything you can to minimize the effects of your health issues – be it with diet, exercise or lifestyle changes and focussing on any improvement you can make. I am amazed at the accomplishments and legacies of people who have been affected or are affected by overwhelming health issues.

3) Financial issues are another of life’s challenges that can easily become overwhelming. I have been there. I know how difficult it can be. I have sold pop bottles to buy milk for my babies and have worked multiple jobs to provide for my teenagers. I have lived so close to the edge that an unanticipated car repair was virtually catastrophic. I survived – somehow you do, as long as you have faith that you will and you keep working towards financial stability. Once again the first step is to acknowledge and accept your situation. The second is to get  professional help if you need it and make the changes you need to make. Keep working towards increasing your income and cutting your expenses and you will slowly start to get ahead. It isn’t easy, there are times when it seems your efforts are totally futile, but if you keep working at it, it will happen. I have reached a point in my life where major unexpected expenses are frustrating, but I have to keep it in perspective and be grateful that we have the means to cover them.

4) Relationships can be particularly challenging. There are times when one must admit that a relationship is unhealthy, unsafe and the right thing to do is to terminate it. If every relationship starts out great, is great, and ends up in termination and anger, the problem is probably you. The thing with relationships is that they take respect, consideration, compromise, and trust. You cannot always be right. You cannot always be in control, you cannot always be ‘the winner’. No one else can give you the perfect relationship. You have to do your part.

5) No matter how much you love anyone – even your own children, you must allow them to make their own choices and suffer the consequences of poor choices. Inevitably, you will be forced to, so they can learn and grow. You can offer them a hand up if they are legitimately making the good choices – to a point. They are still the ones who need to put in the hard work. To encourage them to make poor choices or to pave every road for them is enabling them, undermining them, keeping them dependent on you, and serves neither of you in the long run. You have to step back and trust that your children will learn, grow, and live the life that they are meant to.

6) Regardless of how passionate you are about any cause or point of view, others are equally passionate about theirs – and have every right to be. In Canada, there is currently and increasingly, a divide between those who are passionate about the environment and those who are passionate about the economy. The two sides become further apart as they fight for control and an overwhelming win. The harder they fight, the less likely it is that anyone will . Regardless of which side we support, we need to be open to compromise, respect and mutual concern for both the economy and the environment. We need to work together to ensure that those who drive the economy, respect the environment. We need to recognize the importance of a strong vibrant economy and recognize the efforts that industries make to operate in an environmentally responsible manner. It works both ways or it does not work at all.

Regardless of what the issues are, or whether they are personal, global, or anywhere in between, the solution is the same. We need to get our priorities in order, focus on what is important to us, release control of what is not, and approach the issues with peaceful hearts and minds. 🕊️

Auto-Correct

by annemariedemyen, posted in life

It started out innocently enough.  I would write a simple text to my sister. “Hey! How are you feeling today?” And hit send.   Moments later she would receive a text that said “Harry, have you been falling today?”. To which she would reply “Are you furry drunk?”

Within months, these obnoxious auto-corrects had taken over my Google searches – no I did not mean how to skin a fox in Yugoslavia! (What would possess you to think I would want to skin a fox anywhere?) Then it infiltrated the body of my emails – “OMG! I am so sorry, I typed ‘shutters‘. I have no idea why auto-correct changed the ‘u’ to an ‘i’.”

Next, auto-correct took to questioning my choice of email recipients. I would choose ‘Bob Smith’ from my menu of contacts and I would get a message “Did you mean Joe Brown?”. “No, I meant BOB SMITH”. 🤯

Now this has gone too far. I think “Cason” and I write “Dominic”. I think “Genie” and I say “Jennifer”. I even do it with inanimate objects. I point to the television and I say “table”. Frankly, I thought I was just getting senile. But no, I was speaking to my perfectly normal sister Elaine last night and the same thing has been happening to her. Artificial intelligence has taken over our brains and inserted an auto-correct function.

I would be fine with this, if auto-correct ever got it right. If this was actually a helpful tool. But no, that is not the case. Auto-correct shirts it up every time.

Building Memories

by annemariedemyen, posted in career, retirement
Acrovyn Crashrails & Corner Guards

This week I have been enjoying one of my first ‘lasts’ at work. The western sales rep for one of our biggest, and my favourite, supplier is in town. Construction Specialties manufactures many products (Acrovyn wall protection, entrance mats and foot grilles, hospital tracks and curtains, expansion joints, louvres, sunshades and more). I love their products, I love the quality of their products, and I love the people I deal with from this company – including and especially Peter.

Peter has been our rep for ages now and he is great to deal with. He is a great guy period. He knows the industry inside out and always has some interesting news for us. (This week it was paperless drywall – and the non porous reason behind it. It is a healthcare thing and way more interesting than it sounds). Peter knows his company and he definitely knows his products. If we have a problem or need support for anything, he is on it. He is respectful and decent. There is no question that he has our backs. We feel we can be totally honest and upfront with him and he is totally honest and upfront with us. It has been a great relationship for both sides from day one.

This week Peter is here for the annual Construction Specifications Canada tradeshow. He comes every year for it and spends the better part of a day with us. We (my boss Brian, Peter, and I) spend the morning catching up on news, go for a nice lunch, back to the office to discuss more business and then we meet for supper at one of Regina’s best steak houses. It is always fun. This year was special. This year will be my last for this get together. This year was also a bit of a celebration for one of my best years and definitely my best sale ever. It was an impressive sale by any standards and I was so happy to end my career on such a positive note. (For the record, I have never been one to spend my time chasing BIG sales. I take care of the little sales and our customers just trust me enough to bring the big sales to me.) 🙂

I will have a lot of ‘lasts’ and ‘goodbyes’ in the next few months. It is kind of sad, but I know that I am fortunate that I get to make these special memories before I retire.

The Psychology of (my) Retirement

by annemariedemyen, posted in retirement

In less than six months I will be retired. I was so excited about the possibilities when I made my decision to embark on this new phase of my life. My family and friends supported me. It was all good!

Somehow the closer I get, the harder this has been getting. Retirement has not been looking that promising. Finally, in total frustration, I sat down and wrote a blog about my current struggles. I put it all out there. (Well most of it). I hit publish and went to bed. When I woke up the next morning, I suddenly realized what I was really struggling with.

For the past five decades, I have been in the enviable position of being a ‘caregiver’. I have had the physical, mental, emotional and financial ability to help and support others – husbands, children, grandchildren, parents, siblings, employers, co-workers, friends and the occasional stranger. Now, I am suddenly planning for a life where my main focus is caring for me. It never occurred to me that such a change in focus would be a problem for me, much less others – especially those who I have done the most for over the years.

There are probably a lot of people who come up against these mental struggles when they are planning or kicking off their retirement. I wonder why nobody talks about them. 🙄

Jen & Danny with friend Dave. (Almost family😂)
My Mother and I
Grandbaby Cason
Co-worker Kori
My Husband with Maddy & Prim
Mark & Erin and Dom

Getting My Retirement Back On Track

by annemariedemyen, posted in retirement

The closer retirement gets, the more it looks like an unavoidable train wreck.

In July 2019, I decided that I would retire on my 65th birthday (July 2020). This was not a rash decision. I gave it a lot of thought and took a number of factors into account.

1. I wanted the opportunity to spend more time with my husband. With his 24/7 shift work and my 9 to 5 Monday to Friday, our together time was limited.

2. I wanted the opportunity to spend more time with my sons and daughter and my grandchildren.

3. Although I have always seemed more youthful than I actually am, and felt I could easily work for a few more years, I decided I wanted to retire when I was still felt young enough and strong enough that I would have the energy to pursue new interests.

4. There were situations within the construction industry and the construction company that I worked for that made my job stressful and frustrating. I did not want retirement to be about getting away from what I was doing but I was ready to leave it behind.

5. And, last but not least, I wanted the opportunity to start enjoying the retirement life that my older siblings were already living. 🧘🧚🏄👩‍👧‍👦💃

I discussed my decision with my husband, my children, my boss and my siblings. Everyone was on board and encouraged me to do what I felt was right. I threw myself into preparing for retirement🥳

That was then, this is my now:

1) In recent weeks my husband seems to be less enthusiastic about my impending retirement. He has to work for another four years to get his full pension and he seems to resent that I will not be slogging it out with him. I get it. I really do. But I know this will be better for both of us. We will have more time to spend together. I will be able to carry more of the household workload. We will both be able to live around his schedule. I want to do this, but I do not want to go into this feeling guilty and resented.

2) I will no doubt have the opportunity to spend more time with my sons and their families. That will be nice. In August, my daughter kicked me to the curb and banned me from seeing her children. To say that I am devastated from the loss is a total understatement.

3) I am definitely not feeling youthful. I have been sick since October and I am exhausted. I look old and I feel old. 👵 Retirement, as I see it now, is the opportunity to nap – a lot.

4) Even though I was definitely ready to leave my job, I wanted to go out feeling really good about the job I did and the contribution I had made to the company I worked for.  Things get worse every day.  I do not care how I get out. I just want to get out.   That is not how I wanted to begin my retirement.  I did not want it to be about getting away from where I am.  I wanted to be excited about where I am going. 

5) Finally, my siblings and the retirements they were enjoying.  I have a sister two years older than me.  We practically grew up as twins.  We have been best friends before bff’s were even a thing.  She had a kidney transplant last March.  She still, and will always, takes a handful of pills every day.  The side effects are brutal.  She was always the bright one, the quick one, the happy one. Now her life is so hard. My oldest sister has always been large and in charge. Not do much large physically, but definitely in charge. She has always been a hoot. She has been dealing with recurring cancer for years. She has been keeping it at bay and living a good life. She has been sick since before Christmas. She has been exhausted and losing weight, confused and weak. Last week she was diagnosed with aggressive, advanced Alzheimer’s. We are all heart-broken for her, for her family and for us.

I am less than six months from retirement. I should be more excited and relieved and happy everyday that it gets closer. I should be, I want to be, but to be honest I am struggling. I definitely do not want to stay in the workforce but these days I do not know if retirement is going to be any better. 🚂

Winter 19/20

by annemariedemyen, posted in life
I Feel Like This

I am having a spectacularly unproductive winter this year. I started the season with shingles, rested and relaxed over Christmas break and went back to work with a flu/cold that has hung around for weeks. My biggest accomplishment over the past three months was to buy myself a box of eight jigsaw puzzles for Christmas and finish every one of them. 😊

They were pretty small as jigsaw puzzles go, 300 to 1000 pieces, but I found them surprisingly challenging.

I hope that now that I have that project complete, I will start feeling a bit more ambitious. It is not that I do not have things to do. I am just stuck in hibernation mode. 😴

173 Days to Retirement

by annemariedemyen, posted in life, retirement
My Hibiscus

Only 173 more days to go! I wonder if I am going to make it. It is not that I do not enjoy my work. For the most part I love what I do workwise. I am just tired! Tired of going to work in the dark, tired of being cold, tired of looking at dirty snow, tired of winter in general and tired of ongoing issues at work that are really hard on morale.

Today I decided I had to pull myself out of this funk so I started a new bucket list. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Bucket lists are good. Looking forward is good. Challenges are good. I got as far as 1. Defrost my freezer. That was not good. 🤦

In lieu of a new bucket list, I decided to go through some pictures of spring flowers in our yard over the past few years. I cannot wait for the months to go by so I can start planting again! I love spring!

Sleep Deprivation

by annemariedemyen, posted in life
Kat Napping

Everyone sleeps. For some people (or dogs), sleep is like food. A little here, a little there, and they are functional. I am not one of those people. I need my sleep. A solid eight hours a night – at least.

For the most part, I have always slept well. Even when my children were infants, I slept well. I would go to bed as early as possible, wake up for night feedings, and be able to fall back asleep no problem. Fortunately, my children were good sleepers as well. 👶

When I was building a new home with my first husband, I worked a year of nights in a donut shop to pay off the downpayment. In the day, I was a full-time homemaker with three children in elementary school. Evenings and weekends, we put a lot of sweat equity into the house. I found I could function on very little sleep if I had to. I also found that lack of sleep made me giddy – really giddy! By the time the year was up, I was able to go to part-time administrative day work and resume my regular sleep routine. 😊

When I became a single mother of three teenagers, I once again had to cut back on my sleep. Monday through Friday, I was up at 6 a.m. and getting ready to drive teenagers to school before getting to work. My day was done at 2 or 3 a.m. the next morning. Saturday and Sunday, I could usually squeak in six hours of sleep a night. It was not nearly enough. After three and a half years, I was giddy to the point of hysterics most days. I could find hilarity in most situations, and generally did. Fortunately, we didn’t have a lot of family funerals or equally somber affairs in those years. I am pretty sure that would not have gone well. 🙄

Anyway, for the past twenty years, I have been able to get in some pretty solid sleep. Unfortunately, nothing lasts forever. This past fall I had a case of shingles – from the top of my head, through my left eye and across my face. I do not know why, but somehow this has affected my ability to sleep. I will go to bed a 10 pm and at 3 am I am staring at the ceiling thinking about anything that is guaranteed to keep me awake. I finally get a couple of hours of sleep, but it is not nearly enough. I am not giddy when I wake up. I am just exhausted. Sliding off my chair at work by 10 a.m. exhausted. 😴

Laying awake in the middle of the night sucks. Being exhausted all day just sucks. Anybody have any fail proof ways to get to sleep? I am ready to try (almost) anything. 😟

This is awkward😂

Investing in the Future

by annemariedemyen, posted in career, family

Last night Dan was on night shift. I was here, ready to relax with my dog, a bag of pistachios, a glass of wine and a bit of classic Tom Cruise. Then, I heard the unmistakable sound of teen giggles and realized that our granddaughter, Genie, and her friends were bounding down the walk and about to invade. So much for the wine. I really did not mind. I love to see any of the grandkids and their friends. Soon they were inside, shedding jackets and winter boots.

We all got comfortable and they started telling me about their week.   They had semester final exams. Some fared better than others, but they were all ready to accept the grades they received.  They talked about their friends.  A little drama, but nothing out of the ordinary.  Then they talked about work.  They all work at Superstore.  They all work front end, with Genie having the additional responsibility of being a supervisor.

It is really funny hearing Genie and her friends talk about work. They do not complain about work. They do not complain about their bosses, their co-workers or the work they have to do . They do not complain about the personal sacrifices they make for their work – the early morning shifts, the late evening shifts or the time with friends and family that they miss. They do not complain about their wages.

For the most part, Genie and her friends talk about their customers. Mostly they talk about the customers who made their shifts better. They talk about customers who were super happy or particularly friendly. They talk about any compliments they received and any genuine appreciation they experienced. They talk about the customers they saw who were just extra nice and considerate to those around them. These customers make their shifts memorable.

Of course there are the customers who make their shifts more difficult and those get mentioned as well. They are the customers who are miserable before they ever approach the cashier or the service counter or the ones who are upset by a store issue and decide to take it out on someone who is trying to help them. There are the customers who will disrespect Genie and her friends simply because of their youth or make inappropriate remarks and suggestions because of their gender. Others will be disrespectful and rude simply because they feel superior to cashiers, price checkers and fellow shoppers.

These young people take their jobs really seriously. They take positive and negative interactions really seriously. They truly want to help people to have a positive experience at Superstore. They are excited about taking one of their first major steps to being responsible adults and they want to get it right.

Genie and her friends are not that unique as young employees go. This week, it would be really nice if we could all try a bit harder to notice the young employees we encounter. An extra smile and a kind word will really make their day. It will also encourage them to hold onto that work ethic and attitude – through this job and those that will follow. In the long run, it will be an investment in the future – ours and definitely theirs.