Getting My Retirement Back On Track

The closer retirement gets, the more it looks like an unavoidable train wreck.

In July 2019, I decided that I would retire on my 65th birthday (July 2020). This was not a rash decision. I gave it a lot of thought and took a number of factors into account.

1. I wanted the opportunity to spend more time with my husband. With his 24/7 shift work and my 9 to 5 Monday to Friday, our together time was limited.

2. I wanted the opportunity to spend more time with my sons and daughter and my grandchildren.

3. Although I have always seemed more youthful than I actually am, and felt I could easily work for a few more years, I decided I wanted to retire when I was still felt young enough and strong enough that I would have the energy to pursue new interests.

4. There were situations within the construction industry and the construction company that I worked for that made my job stressful and frustrating. I did not want retirement to be about getting away from what I was doing but I was ready to leave it behind.

5. And, last but not least, I wanted the opportunity to start enjoying the retirement life that my older siblings were already living. πŸ§˜πŸ§šπŸ„πŸ‘©β€πŸ‘§β€πŸ‘¦πŸ’ƒ

I discussed my decision with my husband, my children, my boss and my siblings. Everyone was on board and encouraged me to do what I felt was right. I threw myself into preparing for retirementπŸ₯³

That was then, this is my now:

1) In recent weeks my husband seems to be less enthusiastic about my impending retirement. He has to work for another four years to get his full pension and he seems to resent that I will not be slogging it out with him. I get it. I really do. But I know this will be better for both of us. We will have more time to spend together. I will be able to carry more of the household workload. We will both be able to live around his schedule. I want to do this, but I do not want to go into this feeling guilty and resented.

2) I will no doubt have the opportunity to spend more time with my sons and their families. That will be nice. In August, my daughter kicked me to the curb and banned me from seeing her children. To say that I am devastated from the loss is a total understatement.

3) I am definitely not feeling youthful. I have been sick since October and I am exhausted. I look old and I feel old. πŸ‘΅ Retirement, as I see it now, is the opportunity to nap – a lot.

4) Even though I was definitely ready to leave my job, I wanted to go out feeling really good about the job I did and the contribution I had made to the company I worked for.  Things get worse every day.  I do not care how I get out. I just want to get out.   That is not how I wanted to begin my retirement.  I did not want it to be about getting away from where I am.  I wanted to be excited about where I am going. 

5) Finally, my siblings and the retirements they were enjoying.  I have a sister two years older than me.  We practically grew up as twins.  We have been best friends before bff’s were even a thing.  She had a kidney transplant last March.  She still, and will always, takes a handful of pills every day.  The side effects are brutal.  She was always the bright one, the quick one, the happy one. Now her life is so hard. My oldest sister has always been large and in charge. Not do much large physically, but definitely in charge. She has always been a hoot. She has been dealing with recurring cancer for years. She has been keeping it at bay and living a good life. She has been sick since before Christmas. She has been exhausted and losing weight, confused and weak. Last week she was diagnosed with aggressive, advanced Alzheimer’s. We are all heart-broken for her, for her family and for us.

I am less than six months from retirement. I should be more excited and relieved and happy everyday that it gets closer. I should be, I want to be, but to be honest I am struggling. I definitely do not want to stay in the workforce but these days I do not know if retirement is going to be any better. πŸš‚

173 Days to Retirement

My Hibiscus

Only 173 more days to go! I wonder if I am going to make it. It is not that I do not enjoy my work. For the most part I love what I do workwise. I am just tired! Tired of going to work in the dark, tired of being cold, tired of looking at dirty snow, tired of winter in general and tired of ongoing issues at work that are really hard on morale.

Today I decided I had to pull myself out of this funk so I started a new bucket list. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Bucket lists are good. Looking forward is good. Challenges are good. I got as far as 1. Defrost my freezer. That was not good. 🀦

In lieu of a new bucket list, I decided to go through some pictures of spring flowers in our yard over the past few years. I cannot wait for the months to go by so I can start planting again! I love spring!

194 More Days

194 Days until I am retired! I cannot wait for the freedom to get up and know I am free to plan my day around the weather and my personal whims 😊

I really thought that I would face retirement with some reluctance. The truth is, I am READY! I have enjoyed my career, especially my current position, but these last two years have been so frustrating and stressful an the past couple of weeks have brought so much miserable winter weather. I am just so ready to start this new chapter of my life. πŸ’ƒπŸ’ƒπŸ’ƒπŸ’ƒ